Unisex Names & Word Names

I don't know how my Adolescent Studies professor gets going on some of his tangents, but for whatever reason, he ended up talking about the small percentage of babies who are born with ambiguous genitalia such that you can't tell what gender the baby is. Apparently, at some point there was a law in most of the U.S. (whether or not it's still on the books is in dispute) that you couldn't take the baby out of the hospital until you had made a decision about "what" it was and had the proper "corrective" surgery. How would you know you were making the right choice? And would your baby's gender really matter to most parents, as long as you had a beautiful child to love? Those were my first questions. Then, of course, I thought to myself: What if I had such a child--what could I name it so that, whatever gender the child came to identify with, the name would fit? In other words, I started wondering about unisex names.

We all know the traditional list of "unisex" names, such as Terry, Robin, Jackie, etc. Many of these names end up being nicknames for fairly different, gender-specific names, and therefore, in my mind, unacceptable as given names. Terry could be short for Teresa or Terrence; Jackie short for Jacqueline or familiar for Jack or even John. The truth is, most of those names carry some gender valence anyway: Kelly is almost always a girl, though I know a male Kelly; Jude is strongly masculine to me, despite being a nickname for Judith. To complicate things further, the gender valence of a name may change depending on how it's spelled (as in Aaron and Erin, Loren and Lauren, Cary and Carrie), which wouldn't be very helpful if you were naming someone whose gender you don't actually know. No, I am looking for truly unisex names, ones where the kindergarten teacher can look at the name on the sheet and have no idea who owns it, where the owner could change their clothes but keep the name.

Plus, I want names that I don't think suck. I'm not interested in all the "cross-over" names and surnames as first names that are popular today. They're fine for some people, I guess, though I have a beef with them not having much of an etymology. But essentially, they're just not my style. In case you're not sure what I'm talking about, that list includes names like Madison, Avery, Kennedy, Mackenzie, Reese, Riley, Laney, Tegan, etc.

My general observation is that the most successful (by success I mean as gender-neutral as possible and as non-sucky as possible) unisex names are word names. I made a pretty long list, but here are a few. It would take a lot for me to give up on baby Ivan and Isadora, but some of them are actually worth considering.

Unisex Word Names
Aspen
Cedar
Day
Ember
Grey
Indigo
Marin / Maren
Moon
Night
Ocean
Paz
Phoenix
Raven
Rio
River
Shadow
Sky
Story
Thessaly
Topaz
Vox
Zenith
Zephyr

In addition, here are a few from traditional naming practices, though not all are Western / European. Personally, I think there's more to dispute here as far as gender-neutrality goes. Of course, you are always welcome to dispute my taste.

Other Unisex Names
Casey
Ilar
Jaime
Jody
Fallon
Morgan
Pavan / Pavane
Umi
Wynn

Despite the alleged neutrality of these names, I still think I would prefer most of them on one gender or another. Maybe that says something about how much our society values an easy division of gender. Naturally, I hope I never am surprised with a child whose path through life will be so much more difficult than it should be just because of biology, and if I ever were in such a position, I hope the kid's name would not be at the forefront of my thoughts.

Random Name Generators

One fun feature that two of my favorite names sites have is a random name generator. It's exactly what it sounds like: you click a button and a random name appears. Refresh to get another one. As usual, Behind the Name has more options for customizing your results (you can narrow it by categories, including major linguistic/ethnic groups and wildcards such as "Norse Mythology" or "Transformer".) Except for the wackiest categories, the randomly generated names link to the name's main entry in the site database so you can learn more about its meaning, usage, etc. The "Random Renamer" on BabyNames.com unfortunately doesn't link to the name's main entry, but it has a more casual feel to it, and some might find it less daunting for its lack of customization options. It purports to generate names for a particular personality trait, but I frankly can't see any difference between the categories.

Besides being just kind of a fun way to waste time, random name generators help keep your favorites list fresh. They can put a familiar name in a new light, and because they cull from the site's entire database, it's also a good way to discover new names that you like without actually poring over each entry individually. Since both sites have "regulars" on their boards and cater to certain groups of name-users, you tend to see the same names over and over on their forums and polls, which doesn't give you much exposure to the much larger set of names available on these sites.

Anyway, enough of my ramble. Here are a few of my favorite randomly generated combinations.

Random Female Names
Eithne Aspen
Ever Fenella
Scoop Zoheret
Giza Jenibelle
Nina Leontyne
Clotilda Cactus
Hannah Banji
June Emelyn
Lovisa Jonquil
Mollie Opaline
Fracas Pipes (Transformer Name)
Startlespoon Bubblepop (Witch Name)
Ina Kjersti (Danish, Icelandic, Norwegian & Swedish names)

Random Male Names
Shiva Johnnie
Govannon Gerfried
Snorri Ivo
Bernardino Shaw
Aras Allan
Rylan Constant
Uzi James
Taffy Alaric
Severi Tecumseh
Casper Pallas

Joke Bad Names

I have a lot of terrible names gathered from BabyNames.com. But I also want to mention that sometimes, you can tell that the parents are joking about a certain name. When all the names are properly capitalized, spelled conventionally (as opposed to kre8tiv-ly), and come from a set of trendy-yet-traditional names, the list-viewer finds it easy to believe that the parents are intelligent and careful. Furthermore, when all the other names on the list are fairly "normal," one unusual name suggests that the parents are joking around, not seriously considering it. Often, you'll see two distinct styles represented in a list (presumably the parents each have different tastes), but rarely do you see a stylistically regular list with one oddball, unless the parents are joking.

Anyway, the joke bad names are almost as good as the genuine bad ones, so here are a few...

Bella Dancer
Piper Crane
Cross Beau
Carys Elle
Indianna Jones

With the exception of the future Miss Jones, all are first-name, middle-name combinations.

Surname Incompatibility

I like to keep a list of the more, um, "thought-provoking" names that I run across on BabyNames.com, a site whose main audience is expecting parents. In my opinion, it's okay to both make fun of these names and post them on this blog, since they were gathered from a public internet site. I am constantly amazed at the disregard parents show for their future child's last name. Below are two short lists of names that are inappropriate based on their interaction with the child's last name.

Phonological
Brooke Burke
Isabelle Bell
Anabell Bell
Maya Myers
Emma Grace Embry
Zane Adams Swain
Lain Adams Swain
Dane Mitchell Swain

I think the last four suggest an obvious reason for the parents' oversight--they're so focused on the first name-middle name combination that they overlook the last name. Which, honestly, how often does someone use their middle name? Only when during scoldings and graduations. So while "Emma Grace" sounds lovely, she'll rarely say her name that way. Most of the time, she'll be Emma Embry, which sounds a comic book character.

Then there are names which sound fine, but are inappropriate based on thematic considerations. These are a little bit funnier.

Thematic
Hunter Butcher
Harley Ryder
Amber Jade Fields ("amber waves of grain," anyone?)
Jack Russell (an excitable dog)
Honey Newcombe
Charlotte Weber
Benson Hall (probably okay, just sounds like a dormitory building to me)
London Rosalia Towne
Isaac Cox
Asa Wipperman
Colt, Remington, and Wesson Porter (three brothers, already born and named, unfortunately)

While I'm sniggering at these goofy parents, I should mention that with the exception of the gun-rack brothers, these are only proposed names. We can hope that the parents end up settling on something else.